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And that is just my way of going: “Hey, this is a way that I serve my wife.” And then, while we do dishes, I tend to just talk about the ways that I try to make space for Lauren’s gifts.
So, this is an intentional, organic kind of culture of discipleship that I hope is woven into the life of The Village. Whatever you normally do, can I just come and join you in that?
The ability to text or to tweet or to just write on someone’s wall enables you to flirt and tease without there ever being a “what-exactly-is-this-relationship” moment.
And so, in that regard, when you have not established what the relationship is, I think it can be hurtful to constantly be involved in the technological realm, rather than the face-to-face realm.
They are being discipled, whether that be organizationally or organically, whether they are part of a church’s system for discipleship or they just found an older man or an older woman and invited that person to speak into their lives.
And I think those pieces are a much safer gauge than whether they highlight passages in their Bible and show up to service every week.
I think the way that local churches can practically help godly marriages happen outside of telling single men to “man up” and telling single women to “stop waiting around to be active in your single life” — though I do think there is a space for telling single men and women this. What does it look like to serve, love, and encourage your wife? What does it look like to be a man of God in relation to your wife?
How old were you the first time you thought you were in love? Who helped you figure out how to ask someone out on your first date?Nobody wants to later feel like "I can't believe that they feel that way" So while you're in the "getting to know you" phase, here's some great and intimate questions to spur conversation and honesty. What was the first thing that attracted you about me? Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a successful relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship? When you look at a woman, what is the first thing you notice? Do you think it's ok to keep noticing another woman after you are in a committed relationship? How do you feel if I come into the bathroom when you are using the facilities? Any advice for inviting others into a relationship to that end? But I think what we want to do is work really hard in our churches to create a culture of discipleship.I love this question because I’m such a big believer in what God has called the covenant community of his people to be in a local context. In this culture, the norm, the air we breathe, is that older men are serious about seeking out younger men to train them; not just train them in the Bible, but really train them in what it looks like to apply the Scriptures to their lives.
To help find the right questions, we called on three not-yet-married friends who gave some time to thinking about the challenges faced by singles: Lore Ferguson, Paul Maxwell, and the recently engaged Marshall Segal.